The Grass is Greener

good morning, loves. how was your weekend? are you spring breaking yet? i am headed to the free spirit farmhouse tomorrow for nearly a week. stop by if you feel like it and you're in the hill country. i'm here this week and alison's here next week. truly, we can chill on the porch. there's a playground too, so bring your smalls. 

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so my head's in a pretty sweet place daydreaming about spring break and summer, but honestly, lately my brain has parked itself if kind of a nasty place. a bad mood is one thing, but this seems to go on day after day. it's actually a real personality trait of mine. i'm a very negative person. i battle with clinical depression at times and spend most of my thoughts in anxiety, dread, and various stages of the blues (sometimes just a tad, sometimes so extreme that it requires medication). 

i thought i was moody. i thought that mental disorders run in my family, and this is mine. i even feel anxious over trying to figure out which lot of mental disease my children have. but God takes you on little road trips, you know what i mean? i'm headed down the path of freedom with food. seeing the beauty in discipline in lots of areas in my life. but this one's a game changer. because the fruit of the spirit (you know, all that love-joy-peace goodness!) is accessible for me. i've experienced being full of the holy spirit. it's in me, and those things rightfully belong to me. but to claim my victory i'm going to have to do the work a bit. 

For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows thethoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 1 corinthians 2:11

the work is simple and hard. to make my thoughts agree with god's thoughts. so God wouldn't think that i'm lazy or ugly. He wouldn't think that my work doesn't matter. Or any other thing that I tend to think about myself and my life. So it's requiring constant vigilance (any Harry Potter nerds out there?) on my part to bring every thought captive and battle it. but i can see that this is how all things are made new. and i'll be new. and that thought is lovely.